For New Old Moms to Learn Old New Tricks
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I have nothing but praise for my first feminist. Nearly 50 when she guest starred on All In the Family as Edith Bunker’s feminist cousin, Bea Arthur’s indomitable, fierce, and unapologetically sexy character Maude was so beloved she was given her own ground breaking spinoff show, featuring taboo subject matter like domestic abuse, menopause (thank you!) and abortion. But on top of all that, Bea…
Top Ten Crap Things about Being An Old Mom 1. Other people. You will get eyeballs on you. When they ask “Aw, are you her grandma?” just smile and say, ‘No, I’m just her really old mom.” That will: a) shut them up, b) scare them off or c) get you a compliment/apology. Bonus, d) they will think twice before asking that question of anyone…
Having a kid later in life stirs stuff up for This Old Mom. Smells, sensations and long-buried memories, designed to be forgotten once outgrown, bubble to the surface—like our very first loves. Grace’s first love is her lovey. It’s just a blue chenille square cloth with ribbon tabs and lots of stinky stains, but it’s Grace’s Rosebud. It’s her twitch, her compass, her happy place….
Since I am This Old Mom, and today marks me as a whole year older– the unsurprisingly unsexy age of 53– I am going to make a birthday confession. When we first adopted Grace, I felt like I was pretending to be a mother. While the physical aspect of the baby transplant was a success– a brave young pregnant woman walked into a hospital, induced…
Which super power would you pick? Invisibility or flight?” It was a useful first date question, if conversation had stalled. If a guy played along, and had a thoughtful or funny answer to the question, a second date might happen. I always chose invisibility, until I learned invisibility sucks when you can’t turn it off. I was 42 when I noticed I was no longer…
Old is the new young. I keep waiting for that to be the cover of Vogue, Cosmo, or even More magazine. Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. I’m not holding my breath for age to be considered cool, sexy and desirable. But when you are my age and have a girlfriend calling you to rave about an article in the latest issue of AARP magazine,…
Do you have your oldster role model yet? I do. I’ve decided that when the time comes to dump the dye and let my gray flag fly, I’ll pull a pewter-silver pixie cut up top, maybe with a little St. Vincent lavender undertone. Based on my body type and what I project menopause will do to my waist, I’m imagine I’ll rock the Eileen Fisher,…
Apparently on the youthful side of the Victor Hugo quote, “Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age” I’m in the interesting position of mom to a toddler and daughter to parents aging out of their second-hand youth. I now see our 50s as ‘the warning years’. Potential health issues that could affect the rest of my life loom…
Becoming a parent later (how’s that for a euphemism?) is as much about deciding the kind of mother you don’t want to be as deciding the kind of mother you fully intend to be. If you’re an Old Mom like me, everyone you know has already had their children, so you’ve done your research. You’ve had plenty of time watching your siblings and cousins and friends…