This Old Mom - How to Be Old

How to Be Old

Posted: April 15, 2015

Do you have your oldster role model yet? I do. I’ve decided that when the time comes to dump the dye and let my gray flag fly, I’ll pull a pewter-silver pixie cut up top, maybe with a little St. Vincent lavender undertone. Based on my body type and what I project menopause will do to my waist, I’m imagine I’ll rock the Eileen Fisher, drapey greige, gravender, tunic heavy separates. A look I call the Dench.

If you are lucky enough to be considered lean and leggy, I heartily recommend aging into the Keaton. Think a shoulder length long bob (or lob) with subtle silver skunk stripes and long bangs, waist defining synched belts and Hepburn-esque tailored trousers or long skirts with kick pleats. Add to that just enough well-placed wrinkles to indicate a modicum of self-awareness/acceptance about your age, topped with funky sunglasses and a Royal Canadian Mountie hat. Voila. You too can be the elegant-funky queen of your sixties and seventies.



Or is your game plan to age a fighter, a true believer in I’m-only-as-old-as-I-decide? Are you no stranger to the filler and Twitter pals with your injectionist? Are you going down swinging, ala the Hawn or the Jenner?

Or might you split the distance between the Keaton and the Jenner and go for The Mirren? Think form fitting to showcase the girls, or in Mirren’s case, The Women. Coordinate clothing colors with the Harlow-white hair. Think sexy but with just enough wrinkle admission to be considered classic.

This Old Mom - How to Be Old

Then there is always the Streep- not so much for fashion, but for a good, wholesome look with very subtle work allegedly done on the neck and décolletage.


It might seem early to make decisions like how you are going to style your dotage, but really, it isn’t. After becoming a first time mom at 49 (also known as the Linney).


I noticed my closet was full of clothes I had out-aged before I had out-worn them. As a mother of an expensively growing child, I’m not in a

position to toss out all my sleeveless tops or fitted A-line skirts that make my current hippy silhouette look more like an extra-wide number 8. Hence, I invested in several lovely, neutral drapy cardigans.

And while greige-ish drapy cardigans can extend the life of sleeveless tops, one must be aware that when one doesn’t brush their hair first or gloss their lips or cheeks, those drapey wrap-happy cardigans might make one look like one currently resides under a bridge. Sadly, this goes double for vintage clothing. I’m of an age where if my vintage dresses aren’t seriously tailored, people on the street give me their doggy bags from restaurants and feel good about themselves until they realize I’m not begging, I’m just lost.

Garnet Hill catalogues are a great gateway drug for the aging mom with hipster blood. Not to order the clothes, mind you, but to envision your permanent resort look for when you are 65. I am Pinteresting the HELL out of this, my vision board is called How To Rock Oldsterhood, for the stylish progressive bifocal set.

This Old Mom - How to Be OldUntil that time, I’ve colluded with other fashion-ish moms with no time or energy to shop for ourselves. We are planning our first ever bitch-n-swap. Moms bring beverages and clothes they can’t quite quit, and swap them out with other moms. It’s a great fun evening of food, drink and seeing your clothes on other women. You get new-ish clothes too, and if you miss that Free People drapy cardigan someday… you can always get it back. Win win, says this mom, currently sporting a chambray denim shirt buttoned up to the neck with a blush colored chunky Irish sweater, boyfriend jeans and colorful old-is-new-again 1970s-esque Nikes courtesy of J. Crew.

Yes, I’m making peace with the fact that all my 1980s boxy clothes and my first pair of Nikes are stylish again. One of these days I expect to see my beloved overalls from 1991 parade past me on a future Judi Dench.

Check out my Pinterest board, How to Rock Oldsterhood for these and more photographs.

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